Ora sono ubriaco d'universo. (Ungaretti)

Page 6 of 181

D. Nurkse, “Venus”

With thanks to Benjamin Roman

Venus (from Poetry)
D. Nurkse

Death is coming
and you must build a starship
to take you to Venus.

Make it from a catsup bottle,
a flashlight coil,
a penny, the cat’s bell,
Mom’s charm bracelet.

They say that planet is torment,
whipped by circular wind,
choked in vitriol clouds.

But no. When you get there
it is a light in the sky
and I am with you.

If you find nothing else,
borrow the pleated wing
of a winter moth,
lighter than dust.


About the afterlife, much has been said. Jesus describes the justice of it as a graceful equality. The laborers who come later are given the same as those who worked before. Socrates says in the Apology he will either be completely unconscious or asking lots of questions of people he hasn’t met. In the Phaedo, he speaks of a realm where red is really red – a realm of predicates, not objects.  A realm where everything is separated, where nothing strictly speaking is, where analysis – a breaking-down – reigns. The Weakerthans in “Night Windows” sing how our fragmented memories of the dead weave in and out of our existence, appearing and disappearing like ghosts.

In this poem, we build a starship from nostalgia of our childhood, a carefree imagination enabled by being unconditionally loved. We’re going to Venus to satisfy that deepest desire, that eros not separable from familial love but not only that. We do love and have been loved.

Having felt called, the potential for disaster – “torment” – exists. The goal could very easily be an illusion. Even if we’re right about the voice calling us, it’s just an image, part of a past that cannot be recovered. Venus is uninhabitable.

The image has more to say. We will get there, as we are there (“it is a light in the sky”). Our memories of those we love may be garbled, but we cannot sit with them trying to imagine them perfectly. There are those we actually loved, and they lived, leaving behind memories and much more. They did call to us when they were here, often.

This is the world they made. To find them, we unfold it. Venus is uninhabitable; there is no perfect reconciliation with the dead. There is only the dust, which flies, understood by us as almost animate.

Fifteenth Reflection: Sappho, “You are the herdsman of evening”

You are the herdsman of evening
Sappho (tr. Mary Barnard)

You are the herdsman of evening

Hesperus, you herd
homeward whatever
Dawn’s light dispersed

You herd sheep – herd
goats – herd children
home to their mothers


We’re so used to thinking of Night as separate from familial love that it is hard to see how Day scatters us. Night for us isn’t a herding homeward, but excitement, searching, anxiety. Even for those who do have families they cherish, night means time apart from them. We read alone in rooms, sneak in conversations with others. Night is where our true selves emerge; Day is where we merely present a public face.

But we do feel that public face we present daily is ours, and Night where our desires and incompleteness make themselves most manifest. I’m interested in the implied Day of this fragment. Dawn’s light disperses, allowing for movement, growth, productivity. That much the mention of sheep and goats evidences. The sheep and goats need to return home in order for the cycle to continue, for them to keep being good. Does children scattering during day, returning to mothers at night, work the same way? In one sense, yes, as there is a cycle that must take place for them to grow. They must be nurtured and loved even as they venture out. In another sense, Hesperus governs nothing less than death.

William Stafford, “A Ritual to Read to Each Other”

With thanks to T.D. For the dedicated.

A Ritual to Read to Each Other (from
William Stafford

If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and I don’t know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant’s tail,
but if one wanders the circus won’t find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider–
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give–yes, no, or maybe–
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.


We – you and I – don’t know each other. While this looms ominously over our gestures and conversation at the cafe, I don’t know that it makes us accidental conformists (“a pattern that others made may prevail in the world”). We need to know each other to find our uniqueness? That’s a pick-up line I haven’t tried yet.

Stafford’s second stanza cryptically explains the reasoning behind his cryptic claim. There “is many a small betrayal in the mind.” It first makes itself manifest in a shrug rather than weeping or gnashing of teeth. That failure to will brings back the worst sort of nostalgia; indifference leads to paralysis. Stafford, to be sure, is in command of powerful, interesting imagery. The shrug lets a “fragile sequence break,” where the “shouts [of] the horrible errors of childhood” storm “out to play through the broken dyke.” One might think this stanza overblown, but I thought it was just right. Our childhood fears do not typically reside in psychosis, marking us off from everyone else. Instead, they’re manifest in our everyday lives. We’ve shaped ourselves entirely based on what we fear.

Stafford lets this image play out. Individuals form society, conforming through their fears just as elephants parade. For a while, our fears link us, allowing us to be led. But who is leading the way? Becoming lost is inevitable. The really funny thing is how some self-knowledge is in play throughout this awful process. We do know ourselves to a degree. We can recognize how we’ve shaped our experience. Yet this only serves to underline how little control we actually have: “I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty / to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.”

There has to be a solution to the problem posed. Maybe Stafford isn’t entirely in control of everything in the poem, but this does feel like an accurate summation of modern society, of our being individuals in a world continually united by fear of others.

He appeals to a a “voice, to something shadowy, / a remote important region in all who talk.” Not words simply, but something shadowy in a remote place. Not the clarity of reason, but the darkness of reason. The sense that there is something more when we speak, the sometimes artificial weighting of another’s words. This does not constitute an unambiguous good: “we could fool each other” might be better rendered something like “we may fool ourselves overthinking the other.” Still, since we are elephants on parade, we must consider. We may have to lead even though we have no idea how to lead.

In the last stanza, the sense beyond the literal sense has another imperative and complication. We must keep ourselves awake, we whose task is wakefulness itself. Fine, but this means, weirdly enough, that there is less to be wondered at. We have to try for clear signals, not forcing those we address to wander. But what we fashion clear signals from is peculiar. Stafford tells us clear signals are “yes, no, or maybe,” making one wonder if there was any wisdom at all in this poem.

He ends saying “the darkness around us is deep,” and we know now just how far that extends. To try to see clearly into the other is to work with more darkness. The only thing we can really signal, in the end, is how difficult it is to appreciate another for who they are. That alone breaks the conformity, creates the possibility of a star.

Introduction to the Study of American Government

(Not counting chickens.)

It is impossible to memorize facts about institutions, assess current events, or recount history in the service of learning about government nowadays. This is the country where we live, and what happens presses us, affecting us in ways we do and do not perceive. Right now, a convincing case can be made that we are falling apart one way or another. Maybe alliances between corporations and government, militarized police, a refusal to let market forces do their work, and a lack of faith and values conspire to oppress the many at the expense of the few. But it could also be the case that we’re more racist, sexist, and hostile to minorities and immigrants than ever before. That in some quarters, unspeakable hatred and fear of others persists, poisoning our whole way of life from the inside out. Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.

All this is to say that if I ask you to explain the powers of the Senate, or research a topic like gun control, or tell you to read a letter of Jefferson’s, I’m in danger of substituting a crude caricature that concerns American politics for the real thing. American life, the life you live, is deeply intertwined with politics. That our partisanship is so revoltingly dogmatic proves that. Liberals and conservatives can’t date each other. Awful, generalized statements that demean humanity, like saying “everyone on food stamps is jobless and commits fraud,” abound. Things that are probably not good policy, such as letting Syria destroy itself and then wondering where ISIS came from, are sanctioned by simplistic sentiments left unchallenged.

That you’re put off by what you see of politics, then, is a good thing. You shouldn’t want to participate when the way issues are framed is infantile. But at the same time, politics is not merely a part of your life. We are reminded daily that it can be a matter of oppression, missed opportunities, survival and death. It is almost unfathomable how anyone could be disinterested in it.

Almost. The thing is, you have ambitions, you have moral concerns. You have things you want to accomplish and be good at. I could say this is fantastic, but that’s redundant. What isn’t redundant is shifting perspective a bit and noting that there is an implicit gratitude for what politics can produce. Some relative stability and the promise of opportunity are motivating you to get more out of life. You want to make music everyone listens to or dominate on the football field. You want friends and lovers and family to be healthy and well. You want finances and a job that help you and those you care about, and maybe even do some good for people you don’t know and don’t necessarily care about. These private concerns are not inimical to politics. Indeed, they’re the blood pumping through the veins of political life. Yet politics in the news seems to have nothing to do with what we love or strive for.

I’ll suggest this, and if it is a worthwhile starting point, we’ll be returning to it. What excites all of us is the prospect of freedom and what can be done with it. The funny thing is how that desire to be genuinely virtuous, to be a good human being, creates a more or less exclusive focus on the individual. It shouldn’t be a problem, as we’re supposed to be living in a system which allows individual freedom to flourish. In a weird way, though, it blinds us to public necessities and responsibilities, and I mean really blinds. We say “not my problem” regarding larger issues, as if we were actually exercising responsibility regarding them. After all, we’re not bringing our lack of information or interest to them.

Plato builds to a similar scenario in the fourth book of his Republic. The ideal city, structured into classes expert in their various practices, is just because each class minds its own business. There is no need for justice in the perfectly just city. The best regime, for Aristotle, is where private virtue and public virtue exactly coincide. But there is no best regime. All political systems involve a tension between the individual and the political order.

To go further, that tension does not necessarily occur because a political order is arbitrary or abstract. The problems exist because many political orders are legitimate in the deepest sense. They do provide goods, they do provide a basis for unity, they do manage conflicts. In other words: they are products of what we want as individuals. We are reflected in them, and like all images, we are distorted in them. It’d be easy to say “well, we should go back to being more simple, more natural,” so as to reduce the possibility anything could be distorted, and forget how alone we would become in doing so.

That you love, that you want satisfaction and happiness, shows the scope of political phenomena is far greater than readily conceived. For example, creeps on internet dating sites who show no restraint with their personal problems are not a private issue that gets easily ignored. They raise the question immediately of what is expected of people, how identity and gender are constructed. They raise the question of right, and how self-expression can be preserved while making sure the law points to the good of all.

They raise the question of us, how “we” comes from “I.” I would be stupid to tell you there are easy answers to this sort of question. Oftentimes in my field, a colleague will receive what he thinks is a burst of enlightenment. He’s realized that society is nothing more than conventional expectation, that all philosophy and wondering about things like “love” and “freedom” are moralistic constructs with no scientific, empirical basis. The humanities and social sciences stem from what we make up, and they’re totally artificial. Our problems are all self-constructed, so any prolonged musing on them is worthless.

He does not realize that it is precisely how complications arise that is the problem, that the complications are worth studying, focus, and reflection. That if an implied answer to all human problems were so easy, everyone would have done it by now. We’re not all the same, and it is frightening how pronouns keep that truth clear and distinct while we can’t.

Fourteenth Reflection: Sappho, “When I saw Eros”

When I saw Eros
Sappho (tr. Mary Barnard)

When I saw Eros

On his way down
from heaven, he

wore a soldier’s
cloak dyed purple


Not a cherub with a bow and arrow, nor a bored teen cynical about his own ability to love. Here, Eros is a man in uniform, straight out of 300 or Gladiator. He’s ready to sacrifice in battle but do some push-ups and glisten with sweat first. Whatever he says will be terse and direct, with the profundity and power of being honorable. Then he’ll start doing pull-ups and make sure his cloak is ready for inspection.

There’s no doubt the gentleman in question is an amazing sight. Either people want to bed him or be him. Obviously, I’m tempted to dwell on how ridiculous this all is, how the things worth fighting for are appreciated by a diversity of people, how heroes and heroines act daily to preempt evils from happening in the first place.

But it cannot be doubted that this is still impressive. A number of cultures worry about an end to “manliness,” the embrace of a softness that makes us weaker, unconcerned with virtue and tradition, unwilling to make sacrifices and hard choices. ISIS probably does not think of itself as a bunch of resentful nihilist tyrannical assholes. It probably sees itself as the only way to preserve and fulfill a number of moral dictates. It’s funny how much this fragment of Sappho’s alludes to death. The soldier has already descended once, and he wears the colors he bleeds.




Issac Rosenberg, “August 1914″

With thanks to Benjamin Roman

August 1914 (from Poetry)
Issac Rosenberg

What in our lives is burnt
In the fire of this?
The heart’s dear granary?
The much we shall miss?

Three lives hath one life—
Iron, honey, gold.
The gold, the honey gone—
Left is the hard and cold.

Iron are our lives
Molten right through our youth.
A burnt space through ripe fields,
A fair mouth’s broken tooth.


Kay Ryan had this to say in a charming little meditation entitled “Sweet Talk:”

Too little is made of the agreeability of patently, triumphantly, idle conversation. Much presses us toward substance — wars, prizes going to the wrong people. We feel obliged to refer to these topical evils, but it is only aggravating, usually; no real depth and no real lightness.

I haven’t really had time to think about “the agreeability of patently, triumphantly, idle conversation,” because I’ve been focused on another sort of idleness. In the Oeconomicus, much is made of a sailor who talks about how everything on his ship is clearly and distinctly arranged. The utility of the arrangement of things is always present, but most helpful in an emergency (VIII: 11-18). Having a supremely well-ordered life, being ready for anything, sounds amazing until you realize you’re at war all the damn time. In a store, for example, you’re competing against other stores. Against your fellow employees. In a way, against your customers and your managers, because you don’t just need their praise, you need them to concede to you in some way. Stores are a great example of the sailor’s logic – everything ordered to the end of selling, most attractive items in front and plentiful, the back stocked and ready for more sales if need be – as no one would regard living in a store the way human beings ought to live.

It’s a thought conceived in idleness that human life is only the conquest of necessity. We deal with what is necessary. To let such things define us is to lose something unique to us. But then comes the problem Ryan poses. Don’t the larger issues, like freedom, dignity, and justice, demand to be spoken about? How can we be natural or authentic, not forcing ourselves to see the bigger problems when we’re not really concerned with them?

At first I tried imagining what idle conversation that is a joy to have sounds like. Being a pretentious gasbag, I ended up reading about ISIS and trying to imagine what sound American policy in Iraq would be like, playing the role of “expert” by reading a few news stories. That serious things frequently are treated trivially by us, without us even knowing what we’re doing – I get that. But it doesn’t even begin to help us conceive what truly pleasant, idle chatter is like.

Maybe Rosenberg’s poem offers a solution. Written during the Great War, it pulls no punches. It reminds me of Blake, who with the deftest, darkest touch could make evil come to life and force us to realize just how awful the idols we create are:

What in our lives is burnt
In the fire of this?
The heart’s dear granary?
The much we shall miss?

“What in our lives is burnt / In the fire of this?”war is a forge, destroying, purifying, molding. It is desire, it is life, it is death. Yeah, this means my little thought above concerning the inhumanity of trying to prepare for an emergency all the time needs to be qualified, for now. Rosenberg’s question is very specific: something in our lives is burnt in a fire. The answer is lot less clear. “What” is burnt could be the same as “the fire of this.” “The heart’s dear granary” implies that much, as a granary is meant to be consumed. “The much we shall miss” is not just our experiences or loves, but our capacities and potential.

Something essential to us wants war.  Rosenberg has to grapple with what seems most fluid, any consideration of essence. He does this by embracing the fluidity, letting human nature depict itself:

Three lives hath one life—
Iron, honey, gold.
The gold, the honey gone—
Left is the hard and cold.

The golden color of honey disappears as the honey becomes iron-like. Iron is fundamental; gold was beautiful and most temporal. The ordering of the second line in this second stanza is nothing short of brilliant. Rosenberg has given us a false end in “gold,” letting the misery of the images we chase sting. Yet the central element, “honey,” stands out. There are sweet things, and iron preserves a memory of them, weirdly enough.

He works in the third stanza to undermine any sweetness tempting us. Iron is molten, flowing like honey, breeding the ravages of war:

Iron are our lives
Molten right through our youth.
A burnt space through ripe fields,
A fair mouth’s broken tooth.

Iron does not just cut down youth on the battlefield. It’s their desire, what they were born into. The everyday necessities that could involve a fire on farmland, the decay that is aging, and the violence we do to each other are all one. There’s no real logic to this; it’s the way it is, and it confronts us. There was more logic in the second stanza, which suggested that something sweeter could be had.

Maybe that’s the answer I’m looking for. We use our reason to chase images, and that’s not always the worst thing. If one can chatter away about small things and find it involving and pleasant, that’s not delusional or a waste of time. It is, in a strange way, authentically pious. You’re using what might be a higher power to appreciate something small. It’s easy to see how such a life would be blessed or divine without any New Age notions of self-actualization. There’s a kind of governance involved which some thinkers, once upon a time, thought could translate into leadership. The truly great comes from the small. Only a few know what is worth sacrificing for.

William Butler Yeats, “The Living Beauty”

The Living Beauty
William Butler Yeats

I’ll say and maybe dream I have drawn content —
Seeing that time has frozen up the blood,
The wick of youth being burned and the oil spent —
From beauty that is cast out of a mould
In bronze, or that in dazzling marble appears,
Appears, but when we have gone is gone again,
Being more indifferent to our solitude
Than ‘twere an apparition. O heart, we are old,
The living beauty is for younger men,
We cannot pay its tribute of wild tears.


Feeling old, the speaker declares his contentment. Well, sort of. He says he’s content aloud, then right away qualifies it with a dream he might have. The dream he actually has more than likely involves his colder, less active blood, spent light and reserves of youth. How old is the speaker? I recognize this sort of whining, as I do it. Someone needs to slap this guy, reminding him that mowing the lawn and taking out the trash do not necessarily involve losing the desire for higher things.

Then again, some of the higher things are very present to the speaker. He dreams he has drawn content “from beauty that is cast out of a mould / In bronze, or that in dazzling marble appears.” Idols, images of gods, images of human beauty perfected. Thus, a complication arises: What exactly is the speaker trying to draw contentment from? Is it an eternal being, a god of sorts, or a beauty dependent upon temporality? He repeats “appears,” aware that he has brought two different idols into being while meaning one, watching both recede into the appearances they are.

Idols and youthful beauty both go “when we have gone.” Our reverence and our memories fade, never quite having the same import for anyone else. We are alone with what we worship and pursue, and yet that only regards us as a ghost (“apparition”) might.

So that leaves us with this charming, not at all depressing ending:

O heart, we are old,
The living beauty is for younger men,
We cannot pay its tribute of wild tears.

The speaker was reminded of living beauty while contemplating ideal forms of art and religion. So does that mean he’s giving up all pursuit of beauty? Has his despair turned to resignation, as he is “old” and every desire of his is fruitless?

The more serious read is something like this: the eros of any thinker or artist always tortures, as you’re wondering what more you could have done, what more could have been achieved. What’s curious is how the speaker gets the logic linking the beauty of idols and sensuality exactly right. “Objects of devotion” cannot be considered too literal in this poem. But what’s flawed, then, is his initial premise, that he could ever draw content from any kind of beauty or from his youth being burned up. Neither love, beauty, nor piety satisfies entirely. Again, this is a very flawed speaker. “O heart, we are old” – I don’t know that he ever meant to address another person in the whole of the poem. This artist compares himself to other men, muses on how other men regard things. But how he actually relates to another human being, well.

Emily Dickinson, “My Cocoon tightens — Colors teaze” (1099)

My Cocoon tightens — Colors teaze (1099)
Emily Dickinson

My Cocoon tightens — Colors teaze — 
I’m feeling for the Air — 
A dim capacity for Wings
Demeans the Dress I wear — 

A power of Butterfly must be — 
The Aptitude to fly
Meadows of Majesty concedes
And easy Sweeps of Sky — 

So I must baffle at the Hint
And cipher at the Sign
And make much blunder, if at last
I take the clue divine


Kay Ryan loves the third stanza of this poem, but not much else. In her words, “Dickinson terrain is hard on the brain suspension. In any poem of more than one stanza, one stanza 
is likely to bottom out.”

We’ve been reading Dickinson a while now, you and I, and I say challenge accepted. You should read Ryan’s powerful, personal remarks about this poem. They concern poetic craft, how one has to blunder with the clue divine. What I take out of them is the rough idea that anything that truly speaks to the truly human has to come from our failures and fallibility. That someone too good with words or too clever has no wisdom nor anything of use to us.

I don’t think the first two stanzas are throwaway, though. “My Cocoon tightens — Colors teaze — I’m feeling for the Air:” the caterpillar speaker knows or hopes she will be a butterfly. Her mind is mixed, intense states. At the same time she wants to feel for the air, the space around her tightens. She will be colorful, but if she’s in the cocoon, she has not seen any color at all for a while. One could say the phenomenon of her space and vision shrinking makes perfect sense, as it happens to all of us. But Dickinson is nicely showing the contradictory elements in our thought creating such claustrophobia. It isn’t as simple as “reality” vs. “expectation.” It’s more like we grow, learn, and correctly expect a result. We may even get exactly the result we worked for. Why are there any doubts, why are there any gaps, in this process?

“A dim capacity for Wings / Demeans the Dress I wear.” The cocoon, the coming-to-be of a butterfly, could be the dress. Or being a butterfly simply is wearing the dress. Either way, the speaker does not feels she knows enough to do justice to her own growth. She feels she hasn’t experienced anything. A funny thing about knowledge: if you really know something, it shouldn’t feel new, should it?

Now comes the stanza Ryan feels bottoms out – “stanza two just isn’t very strong, essentially some Dickinson boilerplate to say, Butterflies fly:”

A power of Butterfly must be — 
The Aptitude to fly
Meadows of Majesty concedes
And easy Sweeps of Sky — 

You can see where I’m going to disagree. “Must be” and “aptitude” are the keys. The knowledge that she must fly, the knowledge she has the capacity, the fact the wings are there and can work: how come the butterfly is still scared of flying? Why isn’t power over earth and sky being exerted? The speaker has completely transformed herself, no?

For me, this is not a throwaway stanza. It advances the precise drama of the poem, which is not necessarily a poem about poetry. What’s more likely happening is that the speaker has a powerful bit of knowledge which is not translating to self-knowledge. Granted, this is an easy theme for me to see, since 99% of my work centers around it. But I also might be really, really good at this reading thing, so I should offer a bit of advice. It’s okay to jump ahead when reading to a theme you find relevant. It’s good to start somewhere. But most authors who are worth reading modify the question they started with as they work. In the case of Plato, the question changes almost entirely. Questions of justice in the Republic turn into a discussion of eros. Figure out why that happens and you too can take 10 years to get a PhD.

The poem concludes with an amazing but baffling third stanza:

So I must baffle at the Hint
And cipher at the Sign
And make much blunder, if at last
I take the clue divine

Knowledge is not good enough for self-knowledge. In fact, if we start believing that all we do as humans is “progress,” we are far more apt to ignore questions of how we use knowledge or why it is valuable to us. We’re far more apt to actually be ignorant, letting our powers use us. (A similar, just as dangerous blunder is believing we make nothing which can be called progress at all. But more on that later.)

What’s happened to the speaker is this: blessed with an enormous power, emergence from a cocoon, her learning has begun anew. She’s back to making silly mistakes like the rest of us, as she does not know who she is as a butterfly yet. “The clue divine” goes beyond knowledge of self, though. She has a power that is beyond her at the moment and probably will be beyond her when she knows more. In Plato and Nietzsche, there’s this question of whether gods philosophize. I always thought it kind of ridiculous, because “no” is a pretty good answer. However, there’s something to learning about learning that’s more than powerful or enchanting. It’s probably something like seeing a student take an idea of yours, modify it, and better the world, or better yet, watching a child talk or walk for the first time. You wonder how everything came together to produce just that moment, when there’s so much to be anxious about, when tragedy remains the highest account of human life. I’ve said enough.

Thirteenth Reflection: Sappho, “Peace reigned in heaven”

Peace reigned in heaven
Sappho (tr. Mary Barnard)

Peace reigned in heaven

Ambrosia stood
already mixed
in the wine bowl

It was Hermes
who took up the
wine jug and poured
wine for the gods


First reading: Once there was no strife among the gods. Wine was not simply like food for them, it was food. The message they sent themselves was that of celebration. No scarcity and no loss of control meant easily enjoying peace.

Second reading: Strife among the gods is complicated, to say the least. Heaven (Ouranos) and Time (Kronos!) could not accept the concept of change. Hence, the stories of eating their children or trying to shut them up in the Earth. But those are the gods prior to the Olympians. With Zeus, strife among the gods concerns justice and beauty, i.e. the Trojan War. Those of godly lineage upon the Earth have the potential for fame, ruling in this life and awing through resplendent memorials after they pass.

That peace reigns in heaven because of wine mixed with ambrosia, then, brings the gods not just to human things but to the everyday. This the first reading got right, but it can’t be emphasized enough, because there are times we use wine instead of food – that’s 99% of parties, really. “Ambrosia” isn’t food of any sort: it means something like “no bread,” referring to the idea that the gods do not eat bread, unlike us bread-eaters/mortals.

We have peace the moment we’ve decided to enjoy peace. Those moments are extremely rare. Most of the time what we have is not so much peace, but the absence of any pressing strife or combat. We live our lives as if we’re at war, competing with each other for everything. Hermes starts the party and the decline already begins. Hermes is not only a messenger, but a thief. I read Lampert’s commentary on Benardete’s commentary on the Odyssey (h/t Nathaniel Cochran), and this was pointed out most emphatically while talking about the moly, the root whose nature, pointed out to Odysseus, protects him from Circe, giving him godlike power. Hermes is stealing the peace at the very moment he delivers its fruits.

I should say something about the past month at this point. While not blogging, I still perused an awful lot of the Internet. I must have run into every narcotics addict on tumblr and twitter and facebook, each one asking “why can’t life be better” every other day. It’s certainly a sentiment I share. However, there is something to knowing all things change, even in heaven, that can make one appreciative. Peace is not entirely gone when the party starts, but we want to avert our eyes from what is truly beautiful.

In Memoriam T. S.

The boy I remember had the most natural of graces. His heart was large, his spirit continually active. If he was crude, forceful, or even a bit of a bully, it was because of the neighborhood kids and their broken views. He befriended them, sworn to help friends and harm enemies. He always meant well. I always enjoyed meeting him.

He had tremendous potential. He was brighter than I was, a quick study with evolved street smarts. He was sharp at games. I don’t know how good his Greek was or whether classes at the Orthodox church did much for him. I’m sure he picked up on quite a bit. He was a hard worker when younger, and when I stopped seeing him around, when I was at my high school and he was at his, I heard he was a very talented singer in choir. I know he was a hit with the ladies.

I am more understanding than ever before of the trap addiction and denial is. I know the strongest, smartest people banding together, wanting to change, struggle to defeat those demons. I know some of the people around him, while they made tremendous sacrifices, were doomed to fail in helping him fight his. There was the time a large butterfly landed on the back of his shirt and stayed there. It was beautiful and majestic in its ignorance. My dad tried to gently get it off, but it refused to budge. A friend of his fixed the issue by pushing it off with a broom and smashing it.

The only blame I assign in this situation is not to friends of his, but friends of mine. One in particular advised others to mind their own business when the situation screamed for anything else. It’s easy to drown others’ cries in what you assume knowledge, prudence, even morality. It’s a lot harder to admit that your selfishness and fear can make you hysterical, dangerous, and counterproductive.

I suspect that critique can extend to others he knew. In a way, there is only blame because the loss is so unnecessary, so damaging to all of us. I’ll never forget the time he begged me to be at his birthday party. He saw something in me and was happy to be with me. In those days, I was just awkward, talentless, spoiled and shallow. (I know – not much has changed.) I didn’t know anything except the paranoia of those older and my own greed. His friends, for all their faults, were much more gregarious, generous, assured. I had a blast with him, as I felt believed in.

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2015 Rethink.

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑