Things have been crappy the last few weeks, but they’ve gotten a lot worse the last few days. Doesn’t mean I’m without hope or things to do. I certainly have lots of support and am grateful.
But it does mean there are a lot of troublesome people out there, and the more I do with my life, the more I have to deal with these people. By far the worst situation involves one whose pain is always worse than mine, even though the situations I describe do not affect her in the least. I’ve never seen such self-absorption, the not-so-implicit claim that my knowledge and experience are less than hers because she thinks she feels worse.
I do know things have to change and will change. I’ll be in a good situation soon. But I’m amazed at how much craziness I’m fighting through. If you told me I’d lose a friend or two in a week, have to deal with money issues that I already dealt with to exacting degrees, work as a middleman for several different parties in several different situations, and deal with an ego that refuses to concede anything I do as difficult or requiring competence, I’d tell you you were crazy. I’m calmer than I’ve ever been, more in control, have thoughtful, active friends, have a fairly large audience and some awesome writings to accompany a pretty substantial amount of knowledge. I would have argued that this set of advantages is hard to sink with petty drama.
I’ll be better soon and much, much happier. Right now I’m talking at length in the dissertation about Socratic wealth, how you can’t really put a price on independence. When I’m free, there won’t be any way of bringing me back to this awfulness. I have to figure out what’s next and aim even higher than before.