Swords had dispatched Legolas,
ninja stars tore zombie pirate flesh.
There wasn’t much left on set.
Jack Sparrow only escaped fiery ruin
by becoming a hostage.
The children at the mall were aghast.
Some even left the Disney Store.
A few chose to mourn privately –
back to home to watch “iCarly.”
A tearful elite armed for war.
At Wal-Mart, rifles and ammo.
“No need for armor piercing,”
Depp’s biggest fan screamed.
They don’t have armor.”
All went well
until the ninja with the body armor.
The secret hideaway at the docks,
marked “SECRET HIDEAWAY,”
guarded by an intern atop a billboard.
dropped even louder,
made a splash as he fell.
No need for ninjas –
on this day, all were pirates.
The clan fell back before the mob.
8 year olds with ranged weapons –
defending humanity, in the light!
Shouting heartily, proclaiming right!
Deadly justice in the name of…
there’s a guy who can actually fight.
Tear gas, smoke grenades,
kicking people in the face:
the crowd was driven back
to a giant X on the ground.
I’ll spare you what happened next.
What resulted was for the best:
those Pirates movies were never made,
never, ever again.