I’m not in agreement with the absolutism of the assumption that makes this article work. The author says at one point: “Given that nice guys get bedded and/or wedded all the time, you must have a more specific problem than that.” And like all dating advice, I do feel that the less gender-specific the advice, the better: Why not talk about nice girls that may get passed over? Ultimately, my disagreements with the article stem from my holding that success in life – whether we’re talking about finding love, security, fame, etc. – does not necessarily tie in with moral behavior. A lot of people, esp. when it comes to dating, want to get moralistic in a hurry.
That having been said – there are a lot of guys who call themselves “nice guys” but are really whiners and losers. The list of “specific behaviors” provided at the end of the article is dead-on in my opinion. I’ve definitely witnessed guys treat the women they like substantially differently from everyone else around them to the degree that it is nauseating (and I can’t say I’m blameless here. I can say I try my best to make people I’m with feel comfortable, no matter what). And it is true that guys do have to find ways of just talking with more women on a more casual level, perhaps aiming for genuine friendship first before going “aaaaaaaaaaaaa I need to be married aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” There doesn’t seem to be any concept that two people’s lives are involved; the level of self-absorption in most “I’m nice, why don’t I have someone” laments is just stunning.
Still. Are there nice guys being treated badly? Of course. Is it a problem? Definitely, and our attitudes as a whole about finding the right person could use some tweaking. If you don’t believe me, think about all the nice girls you know getting passed over. Many of them are exempt from the above critique – they have healthy attitudes and are genuinely giving. And there are guys like that too, tons of them. Part of the reason why they get passed over is because we can’t tell the difference between those who say they’re “nice” and those who really work to be of value to others.
I’ve ranted enough, those are just my thoughts. I want to hear yours.