Rethink.

Ora sono ubriaco d'universo. (Ungaretti)

Going

I’m heading down to Dallas soon to try and write off as much of the dissertation as possible there. It’s gonna cost a good chunk of money to do this, because living elsewhere – no matter how little one attempts to spend – is never cheap.

And that’s not the biggest deal even. The big worry is what happens if I actually get done – it’s not like I have a CV with anything on it.

I really want this blog to take off. I feel guilty that I can’t offer you more, that the commentaries aren’t coming at the rate of one a day. When I made the index recently, I realized that over two years (this blog is really the combination of blogs previous with new stuff) I only had about 75 commentaries that were good enough to index. And as you know, some of those 75 might as well be duplicates.

Getting ready to leave is always nerve-wracking; for some reason, I want to take stock of everything I’ve done before I take a step. This dissertation needs to get done, but I’m comfortable here. It is possible to make a career duplicating oneself over and over, no?

I’m nervous about everything and nothing – I know once I’m in the school library reading and taking notes and writing, things will feel good. I should be able to blog more, since I’ll be reading tons.

I know once I’m walking to school from where I’m staying, I’ll feel fine even while muttering to myself and trying not to get run over.

Right now, though, all I want to do is play video games. I want to get down there and work. Until then, my mind is on hiatus.


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5 Comments

  1. GrEaT sAtAn'S gIrLfRiEnD

    February 11, 2008 at 1:51 am

    Hey, it’s the same here. I almost get frantic sometimes – other times I have like 4 ideas competing to get blogged all at once.

    I sympathize – it is tough to create, it’s tough to come up with an angle that a billion others haven’t already done.

    And that’s why your blog is especial – anyone can link to a story in USA Today and then rant. Most folks do.

    But you don’t. You reflect, consider and create. What you do is truly art. It can’t be rushed, faked or cranked out – it comes out on it’s own.

    Art is pain. It hurts.
    Art is essential – it’s in us and it’s got to come out.

    It’s always frantic!

  2. I agree with the previous post – careful consideration and thought takes time but means a whole lot more than someone firing off a rant full of emoticons. And especially days after writing a chunk of my dissertation – the blog posts were really hard to come by! Be kind to yourself!

    This post perked my curiosity especially…why Dallas? Don’t you go to school in NJ? Is there a dissertation fairy down there hiding from us grad students? If so, tell her/him/it to send me more participants for my study!

    Good luck with the thesis writing!

  3. Don’t get Stressed Boss. Life is too short to dance with ugly women…

  4. Bryn – I’ll leave a comment on your blog explaining this again, but my grad school is in Dallas. I was there to finish up coursework, but when dissertation time came, I thought the best thing to do, to save money, was live with my parents.

    So I’m up here in Jersey with the ‘rents and it isn’t too bad. Trouble is, I’m not getting enough done and I’d rather be working with my professors in person on aspects of this thing, obviously.

    If you want more general info about what grad school was/is like, see here.

  5. Good luck my friend. You won’t lose this reader. I know how to wait for inspiration. Hope things go well in Dallas.

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