Running in Circles

1. The confusion comes from wanting everything. And then one confronts “thou shalt not want” – and what is to be made of that?

Does God give, or insist we drop demands?

It is never clear one way or another, so it must be wisdom. Life demands action, even action for wisdom. And if it feels like one is set in a pattern, welcome to the world.

2. I have been butchering a professor’s thoughts recently. I have a million notes from him, and I don’t know that any of them capture the subtlety of his thought.

The notes were written by me, and they fail because I only saw what I wanted to see.

What is clear is that I have to ask him about everything he said anew, and take down what he says carefully. Thought starts with getting opinions correct, because one treats others the way one wants to be treated. If it feels monotonous, welcome to the world of merely trying to get one thing right.

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  1. Or are we confusing the need and the want? I find that we sometimes come to a point where we confuse the two. Sometimes the need becomes a want. My case – I need to get out of “this place”, has now become I want a PhD so that I never have to return to “this place except on holidays.” The same goes for romantic relationships. When one falls in love, one wants the person for companionship, to plump the depths of his mind. And from that want, stems need. One needs the person just to be there even if it is for an encouraging smile. So what happends when the needs and the wants seem to blur into each other. That’s when the confusion starts.

  2. what about when you want one thing for your whole life? then you realize, after completing your goal, that there is more to the situation? if there are, do things change? and if so? what things have to change? obviously, from past experience, one should realize that stagnation = corruption. is it you that has to change? is it the other person or is it the other parts of the situation that have to change? should you give up your passion? if you change something about yourself or the situation, is it an ethical, healthy change? has it been done properly? how can you do it without hurting yourself or others and a sense of well being in either? these are questions worth asking. Because, all of our lives we are running in circles, and if we aren’t, we are stagnating, and ultimately headed swiftly to our demise. i dont believe in thinking too long on epic milestones. As long as one can have a goal in mind and see a possible end to the confusion, i say that its worth it.

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