I want to contact her, and just talk, but I know that’s impossible. I’ve said awful, awful things to her, and apologies won’t do, I know that.
Worse yet, she’s done something amazingly cruel to me – I’m shocked anyone could do what she’s done. I can forgive that, but only if she’s willing to talk to me.
Part of the problem is that her cruelty resides in speech that complements what she’s done. If I try to talk to her, as I have before, she’ll push me away and hurt me more. She did this before I did anything wrong, she has done it after I have done some things wrong, and now that some time has passed where I have done nothing wrong, I think it’s time I waited, and maybe got an apology. I have been sincere in my apologies, after all, although tormented by her coldness. One might expect that she could say she’s sorry, given my concern.