I want to contact her, and just talk, but I know that’s impossible. I’ve said awful, awful things to her, and apologies won’t do, I know that.

Worse yet, she’s done something amazingly cruel to me – I’m shocked anyone could do what she’s done. I can forgive that, but only if she’s willing to talk to me.

Part of the problem is that her cruelty resides in speech that complements what she’s done. If I try to talk to her, as I have before, she’ll push me away and hurt me more. She did this before I did anything wrong, she has done it after I have done some things wrong, and now that some time has passed where I have done nothing wrong, I think it’s time I waited, and maybe got an apology. I have been sincere in my apologies, after all, although tormented by her coldness. One might expect that she could say she’s sorry, given my concern.


  1. Dude, I am at work – waiting for a meeting that I am not looking forward to – and I just want to leave. I don’t know why I get so anxious about trips, no matter the reason. I could be going to clean up rat poop and I would be this anxious to get going.

    On other fronts, I really did break my toe last Saturday. I thought that is was a bad bruise, but it is still very swollen (as is the foot), and hurts a-lot. I think I knocked something loose in the ankle, which would be the third fracture there! But, I can walk, and talk, and drive. No problems all in all.

  2. Here’s what I’ve been thinking:

    I sit and wile away my time
    watching leaves drift and flow
    and busy birds moving here and there
    The sun is setting tracing trees and signs
    a chill breeze from up north blows
    opposite the sun the moon appears
    lovers walk together while I wait for mine

  3. ashok …

    whenever i hear someone talk about having done something wrong vis-a-vis someone else, i always wonder what’s going on in that relationship in terms of power differentials. e.g., “have i done something wrong?” is almost always asked by the person who is in a one-down position. or who perceives her/himself in that position.

    don’t know if that makes sense in your situation – just thought i’d mention it …

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